i still love you

this was originally posted on my facebook account. had it removed because i kind of had the feeling that i was tremendously unappreciated by the person i deeply cared. but this doesn't mean my love has subsided, it honestly just got deeper and uhm, confusing.

(Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 10:53pm )
no words, no music, no sign can give voice to this feeling. i am silenced by your presence. i am weak at just the thought of you. all my efforts to express the depth, the force, the power of these emotions, they fail in the face of you. i can't begin to understand what pulls me so powerfully in your direction. it defies any logic or learning. there is between us some kind of thread--delicate but strong. i feel as if nothing could break this thing. i get the highest feeling whenever you stare at me. i wish i could tell you what i feel. i can't stand a day without seeing you. i don't know where this thing will take me and i don't know how long will i keep this from you either coz i can no longer stop and deny the fact that i have fallen for you. this is making me dumb and dumber each day and it cuts like a knife not being able to talk to you. I tried to avoid and ignore you for my own emotional and mental sake but it's so hard. i dunno, maybe i just couldn't care less about you. i wanna tell you everything. there's nowhere i'd rather be than beside you, waiting for the moment your eyes open and give light to my day. no world i'd rather inhabit than the one we make together...

last resort

it's the only way to forget you...
cutting everything that reminds me of you.

it's goin' to be really hard but i have to.
it's my last resort to save myself from total despair.
i've been really really really confused and frustrated.
i cant' think straight. always absent-minded.
you have dominated my mind
i do not know why things between us didn't work out.
guess, love alone isn't really enough. there were too many walls.
i've had conquered the impossible...unarmed, no weapons or gears
to protect myself from pain or bullets.
but you know what, i do not care getting myself wounded...
the fact that you love me and i love you makes me
null. i'll stand firm but how far? i dunno...
i used to be so certain about this but you didn't show me the actions i
needed to see, the words i longed to hear. you were just so passive. really passive.
i've had spent the entire year having this false hope about us.
dreaming, wishing and hoping that one day God will grant the chance for us to talk
but it didn't happen. i must have really been blinded to not see things clearly; that you weren't really the one for me. i should've seen and known it in the first place. that things like this don't last for long but i know it's real 'cause it cuts like a knife and i see it through your eyes -- the love that i can't contain and i don't deserve...i can no longer forsee my future without you in it. i'm sorry if i've had failed you and if i've had caused you pain. i really am sorry.