Sweet Addiction

You are far more addicting than any candy at candy shops.
Addicting than any boy band who’d almost make people drool;
Addicting than any T.V. shows I’ve had watched;
Addicting than any of my collections;
Addicting than any subject in school;
Addicting than any sport I want to learn;
Addicting than coffee, ah, yes.

I am addicted to you.
My sweet addiction.
The one and only you.
You’re my sweet drug.
The one I really wanna hug.

this is so effin' weird

I don’t know why am posting this. I just wanna let this out. okay…Well, I’ve been having this weird feeling for almost five months and I so wanna get over it and just move on. I’ve been contemplating this thing for a gazillion times. This thing has been drivin’ me nuts and it’s making me oh so dumb. I actually dunno how I feel, ha, this is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever been into. the feeling just gets weirder each day. I don’t even know how and why I started liking you (back). (What did I ever see in you?). It was so abruptly unexpected. I’ve been desperately trying to fight off the feeling but it’s just so strong I can’t let go. I’ve read tons of articles and listened to songs just to resist something inside of me. Seeing you just makes me feel mixed up, gawky, and uhm, okay…happy. I don’t know if it’s just me but you just stare at me so differently that it makes me shrink and it gives me off the weirdest feeling on earth. I’ve been concealing this for way too long and I wish I could tell you. I so wanna talk to you but I dunno how and what to say. I tried ignoring and avoiding you but it’s just so strong it’s unavoidable. Your absence just makes my day so lamely boring and dull and your presence makes me feel more vibrantly alive (more than ever). I can’t go a day without thinkin’ of you. I keep on tellin’ myself that this thing would go and vanish (in time) but how am I supposed to do that if a part of me wants to be with you.and no matter how hard I try to get you off of my head I just couldn’t. I wanted to have a change of heart but coercing this thing to go away is so damn stupid. I don’t wanna leave without even knowing how you feel. I wanna know if the feeling is still mutual ‘coz I can feel that you’re trying to avoid me. I wanna sit right next to you and seize that moment and talk to you, I dunno if that’s even possible coz am tongue tied when you're next to me. Okay, I dunno if I am just assuming things but can you at least let me know. I have to know. I’ve got to. If not now then when. Am not rushing things coz I can see how it’s falling to place. But I don’t wanna be so complacent waiting for things to happen and just wake up one day and realize that it's too late. I do hope this is worth the wait:-/. Arrgh---s.j.

One tough weird month

(This post is a month late but according to a shibboleth it’s better late than never.)

March, the last month of school and was indeed the busiest month of all. In the midst of everything, something pretty weird came up. I started to notice something by accident. Yes, it did catch my attention and the situation brought me unto a confusing state. I was inquisitive for a couple of days and I wanted to find out the real score. This is not a whodunit mystery; it’s more of a personal thing. The thing got pretty conspicuous in the last two weeks of school. So I gave the thing an attention even though I’ve got load of stuff to finish but I was like isn’t this thing supposed to go unnoticed. I tried to take into account that some things really happen incidentally, they coincide and at first things will give you that pretty weird feeling but wtf who cares? I don’t wanna put an assumption regarding the weird coinciding scenario because it’s one hell of a crap thing to do. I still need some confirmation so I’ll be able to come up with a conclusion. Perhaps, I’ve just overlooked the entire damn thing and didn’t really have the chance to know the person’s real intention. But I have moved on and eventually I will get over with it. My concentration’s back to school and whoa, when’s this going to end? (the only thought I had) last week of school I got so bummed that I went home drinking beer but I didn’t get drunk I threw the can while I was in the jeep because I realized that drinking won’t help get over and it taste like pee, ewww. So that’s how my march 2009 ended. Tough, weird and I don’t wanna undergo the crazy stuff all over again.

getting random

Am getting ready for my summer job interview this Saturday. Whoa, it’s my first and I have no clue how am going to act. Would I have to be the serious sarah or the crazy one or just plain professional. I just really hope that I’d be hired. School’s still up and am feelin’ the pressure way harder than I thought it’d affect me. Am getting cranky. Fuck, am confused and exhausted. Got loads of projects to pass and they’ll be due 2 weeks from now. Ugh, fuck I don’t know what to do. Feel like killin’ myself just to end this suffering. Gosh am so stupid to think of that. (Just hate having vertigo.) I know that I suck, I just can’t be any tougher and you know optimistic. Am so, I don’t know clueless. I don’t know which one to prioritize and I eventually end up doin nothing. Am getting so random right now. Just typing everything that pops out of my head. Why’d do I have to try passing a subject when I know I’ll just disappoint myself big time. Ugh, school suck sometimes. I just wanna sleep for a long period of time and woke in the morning worrying nothing. And just lay in the couch for the whole day but that’s not going to happen any longer because am getting a job. Oh yeah, a job! Am so excited. My sibs are even teasing me that I’ll be fired in no time because am so demanding and am so lazy. Who’s lazy? I do all my home works, an hour before I go to school (that’s why am late, sorry)...LOL Well you know what that’s not going to happen because am determined, focused and serious now (fingers cross).haha I know that my sibs are going to laugh at me when they hear me sayin this. Can’t I be the serious ate to you guys? Am serious when am not laughin’…haha I just feel so cozy when am with my family. I love them. Even though my brother annoys me that I want to punch him so he’d shut up. How my second sister dominates over me (okay, you’re stronger but am wiser. Bleeeh). I just love how my nephew Justin brings our family closer and tighter.